Springs of Love contributor Gabriela shares a letter she wrote to her daughter’s birth mother. See more content in our section Birth Mom Love.
What would I want you to know, if only I could tell you, if only we did not have a closed adoption? What would I tell you, our darling daughter’s birthmother?
Our Rosa is nine now. She is a light and a joy. She is keenly sensitive and yet fun-loving. She is beautiful. She loves to do hair, her own and her friends’ and her sister’s. She is an amazing big sister. She still has temper tantrums sometimes when she doesn’t get her way. She is an incredibly fast runner, super strong though skinny, and can do cartwheel after cartwheel. Her jokes make me laugh out loud regularly. She loves adventures but is also happy curling up with a coloring book. She struggles with reading but I know she’ll get it. She is very responsible with her chores and very competent. She dreams of riding horses.
I could go on endlessly about this sweet child. She is a delight, a blessing to our family and to the world. She asks about you. I tell her all I know, as far as she is old enough to hear. I tell her how you held her constantly for the three days you were in the hospital with her after you gave birth. Your social worker said the only time you put her down was to sign the adoption paperwork. I tell her you gave her your own name. Perhaps it was the only thing you had to give. We wonder if she has your hair or your eyes. We wonder if you play the piano, too.
She asks about you. How can I explain a closed adoption to such a young and tender soul? Why don’t you just call her? she used to ask me. How can I explain why I have never met you myself? How can I explain why I do not have a phone number to call you? I try to help her with the question. I wonder out loud if it was too hard for you at that time even to consider being in communication with us. I tell her that I know you loved her so very deeply and that adoption was a terribly difficult decision. Maybe in your broken-hearted, desperate grief it was just too hard to fathom that it might one day bring you peace to see this baby now.
If only I could give this letter to you. I wish so deeply for you to know of the beautiful young lady our Rosa is growing into. But I respect your choices and decisions – fiercely respect them. I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like for you. I pray for you every day. I pray that you have peace, healing. And if one day we are able to be in touch, we will have much to catch up on.
This post was written by an anonymous Springs of Love author.