I have never been big on gift exchanges for Christmas or birthdays. I’m not sure why. I grew up in a family where gift exchanges were a big deal. My mother and father would go out of their way to make sure my brother and I always had a special birthday, Christmas, and adoption day. I am forever grateful for that.
However, in recent years, I’ve come to realize that I have more possessions than I could ever need. Sentimentality through material goods can only go so far before they become too much. While I understand the intentionality behind a gift exchange, it becomes superficial after a while. In other words, it becomes something that you expect, or that you feel is owed to someone in order to mark an occasion. When gift exchanging becomes too routine, it begins to lose the significance of an authentic gift.
A gift is something that is freely given. It is neither merited nor earned. When a gift is given, the person giving expects no repayment; otherwise it becomes a mere exchange of goods.
The greatest gift one can give is the gift of oneself freely and wholeheartedly. It is an act of love in the fullest sense. Certainly, the greatest gift humanity ever received is the Son of God coming into the world to become like us in all things but sin. God gives us the fullness of himself and holds nothing back. Every good thing we receive is ultimately a gift that stems from God. St. Paul reminds us of this when he asks “What do you have that you first did not receive? And if you received it, why do you boast as if it were not a gift?” (1 Cor. 4:7) There is a danger in treating children not as blessings, but as something we are entitled to. This mindset is dangerous, not just for biological parenthood, but also for adoption and foster care.
Some believe that couples have a right to children, but this is warped understanding of the true nature of children. Often couples allow their desire for children to become idols. They get caught up in their passion to have children and never stop to consider if this is God’s will for them. This has led many to take matters into their own hands. With the rise of IVF technology, couples begin to take on the role of God the Creator. This leads to serious moral and ethical conundrums. Surrogacy, artificial insemination, genetic selection and embryo manipulation, and other experimental technologies reduce the human person to a mere byproduct under the guise of scientific advancement. It strips the dignity and sacredness of the human person to something of an experiment in hopes of a favorable outcome. The Church has long stood athwart to this idea.
If children are gifts, then fostering and adoption must also be approached with a spirit of humility and love, rather than a means to fulfill personal desires. Just as biological parenthood is a vocation entrusted by God, so too is the calling to care for children in need. Adoption and foster care should never be pursued only through a lens of desire for children. It should never be taken on through desperation to start a family, or because it might fix a void in one’s life. Don’t get me wrong, the desire for children is a natural and good desire. It is a desire that God puts in our hearts. However, desire for children should NEVER be the only factor that plays a role into bringing God’s beloved children into our homes. The primary factor in one’s decision to foster or adopt should be love and a willingness to participate in God’s love. Unless one is able to see a child as a beloved gift from God in which He calls us to raise in His image and likeness, we should not pursue that unique and noble vocation. Children are not products of desire but the sum total of the Father’s love for them. They are precious and beautiful in the eyes of God. The Gospel does not shy away from highlighting the goodness and innocence of children. Our Lord often brings children into the narrative and shows us the gift they truly are.
As a Church we must always uphold the truth that children are gifts, not commodities. For those discerning adoption or foster care, the question should not be “Do I want a child?” but rather “Am I being called to love and serve a child in need?” May we always see children as God sees them: precious, beloved, and entrusted to us for His greater glory.
Fr. Christopher Kight is a priest for the Diocese of Owensboro, KY, and the Spiritual Director of Springs of Love. He was adopted into a Catholic family at six weeks old, and believes it is the Church’s responsibility to care for children and families involved in fostering and adoption. He will offer occasional spiritual insights and reflections that pertain to our mission at Springs of Love.
