Last year, our Department of Social Services (DSS) sent a plea out to foster families in our area: Would you be willing to take a child in an emergency, just for a night or two, when he or she has nowhere else to go?
In our county, the emergency call list had dwindled to just three families, and they were desperate for more homes to call when they needed a safe place for a child to stay.
Sometimes, children need a safe home just for a little while until a long-term plan can be established. In these cases, DSS must find a foster family who will answer the phone call, say yes, and welcome a child into their home with little to no notice. These calls often come during evenings and weekends when there is limited staff working and, if they’re unable to find a home, the child or children might end up sitting at a police station, DSS office, hospital or hotel until a willing foster family can be identified.
My husband and I had been open to short-term placements for about a year and a half at that point, and had fostered a handful of children under two. We’d also been caring for a child in care for about a year, so our house was full. But, when we received the request for more after-hours emergency homes, we couldn’t ignore it. We knew that in a pinch, we could set up an extra bed, make a big pot of macaroni and cheese, and brew a strong pot of coffee. It seemed like a small sacrifice compared to what the child was experiencing.
And it has been. We agreed to be added to the list, and have spent about a year as an emergency and short-term foster family.
The following are ten things I wish I’d known as we contemplated becoming foster parents:
1. There are many circumstances that can lead a child to need an emergency placement. Like any typical placement, it is primarily because a child has been found in need of assistance, usually due to neglect or abuse. When a child enters care off-hours or with extenuating circumstances, DSS turns to the emergency call list. This might include children found unaccompanied in the middle of the night, children removed from a domestic violence situation, teens who have fled from a difficult situation, or young children and infants when a safety plan falls through (for example, if a grandparent is no longer able to supervise a parent and their child). We’ve received calls for all of these situations, and more.
2. Children of all ages need emergency assistance, and when you’re on an emergency call list, you might get calls for kids outside your listed age range. Just like any typical placement, you can choose whether or not to say yes; however, because it’s short-term, consider expanding the age range or number of children to which you might be able to say “yes.” We originally planned to only care for infants who could be in a bassinet in our room, since we didn’t have an open bedroom. However, when we received a call for a child found across the country after an Amber Alert was issued and he was found, we realized we could have our own kids bunk up in our room to help accommodate the child. Rather than feeling disrupted, our kids enjoyed the “sleepover” with us for a few nights, and the child had a comfortable spot with plenty of books and toys to help ease the transition.
3. An emergency placement comes with no time to prepare, and infants and children often arrive with just the clothes on their backs and possibly a bag of items from DSS. Get to know the resources in your community to help quickly meet the child’s needs. Some DSS departments offer blow-up mattresses, pack-n-plays, car seats or other items to loan you for a short-term placement arriving in the middle of the night. Many stores offer curb-side pickup if you realize an infant didn’t arrive with formula or diapers. We’re blessed with a local organization that delivers a meal and care package when a new child joins a home, and they also host a monthly support group. When we recently welcomed a newborn who was discharged from the hospital with just the clothes he was wearing and a pack of too-large diapers, this group dropped off a wonderful care package with new clothes, newborn diapers, formula, and a meal for us.
4. Consider stocking up on some basics to make it through a night or two without a store-run. Because it’s always a whirlwind when a new child enters your home, keeping some basics is helpful. We now have bins of mostly gender-neutral clothes for the ages we typically accept, as well as a small amount of diapers, wipes, formula and bottles to make it through at least the first night with a new placement. We’ve had children arrive with well-packed bags full of everything they need, but other times families haven’t had the chance or ability to put something together, and it’s nice to have some options on hand for clothing, toiletries, and comfort items. That way you can focus on making the child comfortable rather than scrambling to make a Target run.
5. Families of all kinds are needed for emergency placements. A teenager might thrive in the quiet of a household of an “empty nester” who can speak with wisdom. A young child might find the most comfort in the presence of similarly-aged foster siblings. Just because you might not think there’s a great need for what you can offer, don’t discount the importance of being able to help a few kids who need you throughout the year. Your local DSS will be able to advise.
6. Unlike a traditional foster placement, you likely won’t get into any kind of routine. Kids coming into emergency care might have many appointments (court, doctors, specialists, parent time, etc.) and you might not even know the assigned DSS worker. The hardest part of an emergency placement is the unpredictability of it. Having a schedule that allows some flexibility is helpful, as is giving everyone lots of grace. In our experience, kids typically have virtual court the first business day they’re in care, as well as a doctor’s visit within a few days. Because of the last minute nature of these doctor’s appointments, you’re usually just told a date and time to show up, rather than being able to provide any input. Parental visits aren’t usually established until the following week.
7. Though I can’t speak for departments across the country, many will work with you to assist with a child’s transport to appointments if needed. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if a scheduling conflict to an appointment is the only reason you can’t accept a placement. While it’s helpful if there’s a parent who stays home or works from home, that isn’t a requirement, and DSS will work with you to fill in the gaps.
8. You often won’t know much about what happens to the kids you cared for in an emergency situation. Sometimes these kids are safely placed in kinship homes (that is, extended family or friends), sometimes a safety plan is established with a parent, or sometimes they’re moved back to their home state or county. Being able to trust that God is still in control, even in the uncertainty, is helpful in these transitions.
9. It’s still possible to “get too attached,” even when you’re only offering short-term emergency placements. As any foster parent will tell you, that’s exactly what the kids need – nurturing and loving caregivers. The kids we’ve cared for in these emergency situations all have a place in my heart, and if we were to receive a call back about one of them needing a home, I’d be pulling bins out of the attic and making up a bed. However, emergency foster care is a wonderful way to open your home to foster care without the major commitment of a potentially long-term foster placement. You can (and should!) tell your home worker what kind of timeline you’re expecting with an emergency placement. That could be a weekend, a week, or more or less depending on your particular situation and those of the child.
10. Being able to say “yes” to kids in care sometimes means saying “no” to the world. Sometimes our weekends look a little different because we’re toting a newborn to baseball games or postponing a date night. We try not to overcommit and we hold our plans loosely. When we agree to a new placement, it’s with the knowledge that we’ll all need to be extra flexible.
Offering a soft landing spot to the children we’ve had in our home – whether it’s been for a single night or months, has always been 1000% worth it. Our children speak about the kids who have been with us so tenderly and they often wonder how they’re doing. We take these opportunities to pray for the kids who have come through our house, and share some of our favorite memories of the time we had together. Not once have one of our kids complained about sharing their toys, home, and parents with a new child – which is truly a miracle if you know young kids! But we aren’t special and we don’t have anything the average family doesn’t have – we just said yes to opening our imperfect little home up to kids in need – complete with a set of sleep-deprived parents and rambunctious siblings. I encourage anyone who thinks they may have the space in their heart to step into this gap to call your local DSS office and inquire.
Allison lives in the Baltimore, Maryland area with her husband and three kids (ages 2, 4, and 6). She and her husband began fostering in 2023 and have cared for children who need respite, short-term, emergency and long-term care.
