I ask a lot of questions. I always have. My desire to understand, to research things, to uncover more than what is on the surface is keen. So, when my husband and I felt drawn to foster care (after a miscarriage and a tube of lip balm that had been rolling around in my car) I needed to understand as much as I could. The tube of lip balm said “A World For Children”. This is where my exploration began. What was that? Why did I have it? That query uncovered a local foster agency, which led us to wonder: “What exactly is foster care, and is God calling us to this?”
I asked close friends if they knew anyone who had fostered. I love first hand stories, and not the stories that are made pretty for marketing appeal. We found and visited two families who were willing to share with us the ups and downs of foster care. Both did not shy away from the hard parts, but both were extremely encouraging of the beauty of foster care, and the ways in which you are forever changed, for the better.
After hearing their stories, we cautiously entered the training with the tube of lip balm agency. What could have been accomplished in under four months took us nearly a year of training and so much prayer, because we did not want to hurry the pace. In my Adoration journal, I found an entry that said, “Lord, help us open our hearts to your invitation. I know you are calling us to open wide our arms to Your will and Your plan.” We received our license later that year in December of 2021, and were ready for the calls to come in.
We had a few calls that we had to say “no” to, and a few we said, “yes” to but never ended in placement. Finally, one afternoon, a call came in for a newborn baby who was born drug exposed in our local hospital. He was 2 days old and needed a home to go to, and his name was right out of the scriptures. I felt sure this was going to be our first placement! I called my husband who quickly agreed, and we called the caseworker back to say, “YES!” We waited a few hours to find out if he was indeed going to come to us. In that time, we had local church friends on call to get us newborn baby boy clothes, diapers, bottles, etc. When the call came back that he was headed our way, we were flooded with fear, excitement, and uncertainty.
Baby E came to us around 8pm. My husband had just finished putting the bassinet together when he arrived. We were given this little tiny baby, a small bag with a blanket and one change of clothes, and a bit of formula. It seemed surreal. This baby was now in our care. He was fully dependent upon us! Over the next few days, we adjusted to life with a newborn. The sleepless nights, the frequent feedings, the inconsolable cries of a baby born drug-exposed. However challenging it all was, Baby E quickly found a home in our hearts. We fell completely in love with him! As he began to cry less, and smile, coo, and respond so much to our voices, we fell more and more in love.
Meanwhile we were entering the murky waters of the foster system. His caseworker had information that didn’t always connect with previous conversations. She sometimes overshared about his biological family. We knew her work was hard, but keeping our hearts and minds clear was also hard. His case seemed to change direction weekly. And then, just three months into him coming into our lives, we learned he would be quickly leaving to live with a grandmother. This was a sudden change, and we couldn’t imagine our home without him.
The day he left was excruciating. I had a dear friend who had told me from the beginning of our foster journey that she would be my person who would show up with coffee and a listening ear. She couldn’t babysit. She couldn’t do other things. But she could show up in the times I needed someone there. She came that day and just sat with me as I cried and cried on my couch. She wrapped her arm around me, and sat with me until I couldn’t cry anymore. My husband and I took a day trip to a local nature reserve, packing a picnic and taking a hike. We shared photos we loved of Baby E with one another. We shared stories. We prayed, and we cried.
We sent Baby E with a letter to his Grandma expressing all the things we had come to know and love about him. We sent photos, toys, and our contact information with the hopes she would keep in touch with us. But she chose not to stay in contact. We weren’t sure if we could go back into fostering. It really took such a toll on our hearts. If it wasn’t for our faith in God and those couples we met with before entering foster care, I don’t know if we would have fostered again.
We told our caseworker we needed to take a bit of time, and she completely understood. She too was a rock for us throughout our first experience with foster care. I have two older sons, and the youngest of them was graduating from high school in late May. We told our caseworker that we would be willing to open our home again after he graduated.
Do you know how funny our God is? We got a call THE DAY of my son’s graduation from her saying that there was a 15-month-old boy in the CPS office that needed an emergency placement before the workday ended. In between hanging balloons and setting up food for my son’s graduation party, I was also calling my husband and saying, “What are we going to do? This little boy can’t sleep in the CPS office!” And so, 15 minutes after my son’s graduation party ended, and an hour and a half before his evening graduation, our second foster son came to our home. That little boy kept us on our toes and our home filled with toddler laughter for the next year. What at first seemed like the worst timing turned out to be exactly God’s plan. Through him, we all learned more deeply about God’s perfect timing.
Debbie and her husband Justin have been married for 5 years. Debbie has two adult sons, and together she and Justin have fostered three children and adopted one. Both Debbie and her husband work for the Church. Debbie has worked in Campus Ministry for 24 years, and loves every minute of it! She thinks college students are some of the coolest people in the world! And they make great babysitters!
